if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
