I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
