I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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