how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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