I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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