as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
