i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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