You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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