glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
