Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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