You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
