Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I love having hate sex.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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