Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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