Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
my liver is dry heaving
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
