I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
