Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
