I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
