Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
