Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
