my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
