why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
