Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
