Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
