i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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