Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
