can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
