I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
