We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
