Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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