Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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