I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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