Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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