who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
