If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
