woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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