She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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