Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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