I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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