The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
