We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
now i know why i became what i already was.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
