accomplished twins. life is a go
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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