Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
