Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
