Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
