Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
