I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
