I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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