bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
