Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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