Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
