haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Randomize
