I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
