I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
