you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
