You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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