Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
